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Basic Toilet Humor

Toilet humor has long been the reliable retreat of your Daily, and publications remain attentive to significant toilet tales and milestones, especially in relation to football. Readers were entertained to discover that an online journalist a famous broadcaster has a West Brom-themed urinal within his residence. Spare a thought regarding the Barnsley supporter who understood the bathroom a little too literally, and needed rescuing from an empty Oakwell stadium following dozing off in the toilet midway through a 2015 losing match against Fleetwood Town. “He was barefoot and couldn't find his phone and his headwear,” explained a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And everyone remembers during his peak popularity with Manchester City, the Italian striker popped into a local college for toilet purposes during 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then came in and was asking the location of the toilets, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a pupil informed the Manchester Evening News. “Later he simply strolled round the campus like he owned the place.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday represents 25 years since Kevin Keegan stepped down as England manager post a quick discussion inside a lavatory booth together with Football Association official David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat versus Germany during 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the famous old stadium. According to Davies' personal account, his private Football Association notes, he had entered the sodden struggling national team changing area immediately after the match, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams energized, the two stars urging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies found him slumped – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – within the changing area's edge, whispering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Stopping Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to save the circumstance.

“What place could we identify [for a chat] that was private?” stated Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Only one option presented itself. The toilet cubicles. A significant event in English football's extensive history occurred in the ancient loos of a venue scheduled for destruction. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I shut the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I cannot inspire the squad. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Aftermath

And so, Keegan resigned, subsequently confessing he considered his stint as England manager “soulless”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It’s a very difficult job.” Football in England has advanced considerably during the last 25 years. Whether for good or bad, those Wembley toilets and those two towers are long gone, although a German now works in the technical area Keegan previously used. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year's international tournament: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Live Updates

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for Women's major tournament coverage concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Today's Statement

“We remained in an extended queue, wearing only our undergarments. We represented Europe's top officials, premier athletes, inspirations, adults, parents, strong personalities with great integrity … but no one said anything. We hardly glanced at one another, our gazes flickered a bit nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a freezing stare. Silent and observant” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes officials were once put through by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“How important is a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists named ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to manage the main squad. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and awarded some merch, I have decided to put finger to keypad and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights on the school grounds with children he knew would beat him up. This masochistic tendency must account for his option to move to Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|